you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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