She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
