We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
