It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
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I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
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Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... π―πππ
Do I even want to know?
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