Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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