I heard we made out
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize