Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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