NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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