The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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