"it" just moved
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
