I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
