Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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