Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Randomize
