and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
