just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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