see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
