Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
