At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
