Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
