i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
