I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I need moral support for this bender
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
