She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
