this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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