Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
