She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Rumble strips road head = magical
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
