i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
