I looked at my own cervix.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
