she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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