I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
