You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
His hands were made for my vagina.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
