I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen