Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵