i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod