I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
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Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
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I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy