I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now