I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
