you guys were way drunker than both of me
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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