Did you just see the Batmobile???
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
