you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
