I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
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