I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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