It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
The best revenge is premature balding
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
