Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
