Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
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this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
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Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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