I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
We just shotgunned beers for America
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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