Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
