We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
