what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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