New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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