Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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