you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
