Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Randomize
