hell yes lets make some ravioli
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Randomize
