I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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