the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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