I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
