I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
