I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
