Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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