Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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