Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
