You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
