There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
