dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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