We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
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