see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
wow bdsm is so cute
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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