What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
He better not be in your backpack
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
