nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
