i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
The power of my boobs compel you
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
