I want to walk on stilts...naked
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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