Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
