you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
