hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
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No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
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