the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
