i'm lost and i look like a hooker
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
