I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
