You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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